I just killed a spider, A big white one.
Is a spiders life really so insignificant that we humans don't even care that we're squashing it? Or is it just that we're the dominate spieces of the planet and do whatever we want? -That can't be it. Because we don't do whatever we want. We get tortured and smushed all the time don't we? If not from other humans it's from our emotions which, in a way, control us.
What if tommorow I fell onto the floor crying and dying because a rock in my throat got bigger? Because instead of one person promoting it, it was two? And the second one i've felt that way for all along but it never hurt until now. And the first one i'm like say what!? And then I go on and on talking about him until it hurts. And I feel bad because I might be annoying someone. And then I can't breathe and I try to push feelings away but they come back and knock the wind out of you. Litterally.
Have you seen little Manhattan? That movie describes young love in it's fullest. I have the dvd and I watch it when i'm sad, and it just makes me more sad. But it's amazing to know someone understands even though in your heart you know everyone does. Gabe: "Love is an ugly, terrible business practiced by fools. It'll trample your heart and leave you bleeding on the floor. And what does it really get you in the end? Nothing but a few incredible memories that you can't ever shake. The truth is, there's gonna be other girls out there. I mean, I hope. But I'm never gonna get another first love. That one is always gonna be her." Thats from Little Manhattan, he's a ten year old boy. I think i'll watch it tonight.
The great thing about that movie is, in everything about it, it reminds us that love from like 8-18 is just to make us stronger for the real heartbreaks. And the REAL love story.
-
Emily.
P.S. I'm thinking of you, and wishing we all were in Solla Sollew.
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